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Another year, another impact (I hope)

 I am starting my fifth year of teaching at C School. I feel indifferent about the whole situation. Currently, I am waiting to hear about another job which will take at least another year to start. I am going to make the best of this year of teaching. I am going to be teaching 2nd grade and I am excited about the grade level considering they are still wee ones with a first grade mentality. I hope to not allow things to get to me and just do this job. It is JUST A JOB. I cannot save the world and will try to do my best to teach these little future contributors of American society. I am not their mother, but their teacher to help guide them in their 7th year of life.  I hope this year won't be as stressful as last year. So far my health is on track, thank goodness and I hope it will continue to thrive. I have a number of exercise classes I attend and I try to keep my diet on track. Stress is always the big factor. I am not going to allow the staff at my school to irritate me eit...
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Not everyone will like me

 I'm halfway through my summer break and it has been wonderful. Our family traveled to Scotland this time and we had the best time exploring a beautiful country with lovely people. I felt so relaxed and it was so wonderful to make memories with my family. Especially my children because they are becoming young, independent adults and time is flying.  I am so relieved and happy my 4th year of teaching at perfect school is over. I'm going to refer to it as perfect because that is the image it wants to really portray. Regardless of how much it preaches "everyone is family." Because I am a genuine human being that truly cares about people and is emotionally intelligent, I did cry when I said goodbye to my students. I know they were little shits to me this year, but deep down I know they are just children and it's their parents faults as to why they can be such entitled, loud, rude little people. I do hope they have a nice summer and a great new school year next year. I...
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Teaching is NOT my life.

I love mornings. I love the solitude, the quiet. I love the feeling of a fresh new day while enjoying my coffee. It's a new day to living and I am thankful for the new beginning. Unfortunately, there are many mornings like now at 5:00 am on a Saturday, that I am up reviewing papers and thinking about lessons for my students. I do realize as I get older that I don't want to do that anymore. I am wanting to take my weekends as the time for me, doing a hobby, spending time with my family and friends. I don't want the dark cloud of guilt raining on me for not always committing myself to the kids.  I miss my younger sister who died in August. I think of her every day. Did a teacher save her? No. Did our parents save her? No. Did I save her? No.  The truth is it's up to the individual to save themselves. No matter how much I was there for my sister, she couldn't change and make the choice to live and love her family. Even if one of her family members is an empathetic, car...
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This Ball and Chain

I am leaving education. It was definitely hard for me to realize how much this profession drains you. The long hours separate from contract hours with no compensation; the professional development I sign up for because it's "for the kids" with no compensation; the pointless trainings that could be sent through email, the repetitive trainings required every year to take even though I took it the year prior; the lack of respect from students and parents; and administration who praise the same people every year. I have worked so hard in this profession for the last 4 years. I've spent countless hours researching how to make my lessons more authentic. Yes, I've used ideas from other teachers because I only have so many hours in my day to develop one lesson plan. I've spent thousands of dollars and most of the time it goes unused or the kids lose interest. It's time for me to take care of me. It's time for me to be there for the people I truly love in this ...
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Youth is a qualification for this job

Let's face it, I'm getting old. My body aches every day and I get tired easily. My memory isn't as sharp as when I was in my 20s and retaining information has been a challenge for me lately because my mind simply cannot multitask and remember every single little detail of my job, every conversation, every meeting and balance my health, family and work life. I have my health to care for because it's mandatory to live. I exercise at night because that's all I have time for. I take naps before I go because I'm too exhausted from the teaching day. I have my husband who needs me to listen to his day at work and I want to spend time with him. I have my son who doesn't want to spend time with me as much anymore. I'm lucky if I see him for an hour during the week because he's always busy. He is slowly drifting from the nest. It's hard to let my kids go into this scary world, but it's another life experience I'm encountering in addition to this cr...
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You're just not good enough

 Who am I? A question I've been asking myself for the last year. And every time I answer the following: A woman who's main hobby is teaching. Every day, every year. It's been my main lifestyle for the past eight years. A teacher that spends countless hours on the weekends trying to make little people not only learn, but love school in the process of it all. I research ways that can make their learning engaging so they don't surrender to their ADHD behavior or constantly have that need to be stimulated. This is a different population of children. They are allowed to do whatever the hell they want. Cry? Here's an iPad. Hungry? Here's some Oreos. Bored? Here's an iPad with all of these apps that will keep you occupied and provide instant gratification. Tired? Watch a YouTube video and put yourself to sleep. Lonely? Chat online with friends you don't know while hiding behind a computer screen.  This has been my life for the last eight years in this occupatio...
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No more "doing this job for the kids."

It has been some time since I've popped in. This is due to the fact that teaching has consumed my life. It has consumed my life so much that I've decided to seek ways to get out of this profession that I've loved for so long. I realize I can't take on other people's problems anymore because it is diminishing my true sense of self. I slave away at my computer developing lesson plans, which to be honest aren't always mine because I am so exhausted and don't find the motivation to be creative anymore as I once was twenty years ago. Back then, the late 90s early 2000s, kids were different. There was no constant accessibility to electronics like there is now. I was so creative back then. What happened to me? Where is the spark within me that shined so bright?  The spark has been dull for sometime now. It no longer shines as bright as it used to. The enthusiasm I used to feel was such a rush for my inner being because I truly sensed I was changing so many lives. T...
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