Who am I? A question I've been asking myself for the last year. And every time I answer the following:
A woman who's main hobby is teaching. Every day, every year. It's been my main lifestyle for the past eight years. A teacher that spends countless hours on the weekends trying to make little people not only learn, but love school in the process of it all. I research ways that can make their learning engaging so they don't surrender to their ADHD behavior or constantly have that need to be stimulated. This is a different population of children. They are allowed to do whatever the hell they want. Cry? Here's an iPad. Hungry? Here's some Oreos. Bored? Here's an iPad with all of these apps that will keep you occupied and provide instant gratification. Tired? Watch a YouTube video and put yourself to sleep. Lonely? Chat online with friends you don't know while hiding behind a computer screen.
This has been my life for the last eight years in this occupation. Granted, there are some families and students that have thanked me and show appreciation. But, it is not enough anymore. It's sad that this country with all of its wealth doesn't take care for its teachers. We are the "world changers, life changers." This is a huge expectation to live up to when our county, our country doesn't provide us with the income, materials and support we so desperately need.
We are drowning and no one is throwing the life raft. I'm just barely treading water and keeping my head up. This county, this state, this country showed so much support and understanding for teachers during the pandemic. They were finally recognizing all of our struggles because parents and families were dealing with their children at home and realizing how hard this job is. But of course, like everything else in this society, it was short lived. No more appreciation, no increase in pay, no encouragement. Just more of the same behavior, but an increase in items on the to do list to the already overwhelming tasks of trying to teach the modern day child. It will never change. It is only getting worse and teachers are leaving.
It's never enough.
"Here's more professional development because you need more and you're not enough."
"Here is another assessment because these kids are mini adults and need to be perfect and we need to be the best school with the highest test scores."
It doesn't matter about the quality of the education or the character, but "boy do we have amazing test scores!"
"Here is another modification in curriculum or a strategy from professional development and I want you to implement it right away without any training. But, hey! Here is a manual and a video to get you going. You can figure it out on your own in addition to all of the other tasks you have to do."
"You can make an appointment with me about the latest fun technology resource, but I won't teach the lesson even though I'm the computer teacher at this school. I will give you the materials and spend 15 minutes with you so you can implement it perfectly." If you don't do it perfectly, I am going to make you feel inferior and talk about you behind your back because you don't know how to do it.
"Oh, wait now you need help with a technological issue? Watch a video."
"Oh, you want to teach your kids a new computer program, watch a video."
"And why don't you understand this new procedure I'm showing you on your computer by clicking at the blink of an eye before you see it and understand. And how can you not understand? It's so simple because another school did this with no problem. It's simply your fault, not mine because I'm a head honcho and I have a doctorate. Don't you see?"
Lack of communication, impersonal, too busy to care is the message. Don't say I need hand holding. I don't. I'm a survivor of an abusive household and I can stand on my own two feet. All I am asking is for more personable interaction. I'm not a robot, I am a human being. Human beings need personal interactions. But, I am always made to feel guilty. I feel like people think I'm needy when all I want is a little bit of their time. That's all I'm asking, but it's never the other person's fault. Always mine and I'm always the one to shift and change my behavior because I feel like it's always me. And God forbid if I speak up because then I will be looked at as difficult and incompetent. It's just an ongoing toxic cycle of "you're just not good enough and you're not perfect."
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