Youth is a qualification for this job

Let's face it, I'm getting old. My body aches every day and I get tired easily. My memory isn't as sharp as when I was in my 20s and retaining information has been a challenge for me lately because my mind simply cannot multitask and remember every single little detail of my job, every conversation, every meeting and balance my health, family and work life. I have my health to care for because it's mandatory to live. I exercise at night because that's all I have time for. I take naps before I go because I'm too exhausted from the teaching day. I have my husband who needs me to listen to his day at work and I want to spend time with him. I have my son who doesn't want to spend time with me as much anymore. I'm lucky if I see him for an hour during the week because he's always busy. He is slowly drifting from the nest. It's hard to let my kids go into this scary world, but it's another life experience I'm encountering in addition to this crazy job. I also have to take care of my dog, the house, make dinner, pay the bills, go grocery shopping and the list goes on. 

I'm emotionally exhausted. I can't keep up with the many demands of this toxic educational environment that is slowly chipping away at my health. I want to continue to grow old gracefully and with fidelity to this unknown amount of time I have here on Earth. I don't want to be the tainted, tired, ragged teacher that wears her emotions on her face and just doesn't care anymore. Not only about her drive to be a better teacher, but her appearance and emotional well being. And I say "her," because this occupation is predominantly women. Our society takes advantage of all of us because we are women and women are nurturers and healers. We tend to be more empathetic and want to help those in need. And our emotions are exploited to serve the need of the American child. And God forbid you are an "older" over the age of 40 teacher trying to do this job.

Youth is definitely a qualification for this job. School districts want young women fresh out of college because they have the energy, the optimism and the time. School districts also want to pay the bare minimum so they can spend their money on other important things like a superintendent's salary, laptops for children K-12, curriculum that only lasts a year with a new one to replace it the following. 

I used to be that 20 something woman years ago when I began my career as a teacher. I was energetic because I was younger I could juggle many things at once and my body didn't ache as much as it does these days. I was optimistic because I wanted to help save the world and deal with my childhood trauma at the same time. I did have the time because I didn't have kids at home needing my attention. 

Now, I am no longer this woman. And you know what? I am fine with that. I don't need to be her anymore because I've grown and gained wisdom of life and what is important. And this job is not going to be the main focus of my life anymore because when it comes time for me to leave this world, I will not reflect on how great my bulletin boards were or how high my students test scores were, but I will reflect on my family, my travels and how I did contribute to this world in the best way I possibly could. My age is a privilege and I will embrace it in another shift of jobs in the next chapter of my life.